Bereavement Care and Grief Education

HOSPICE BEREAVEMENT

Hospice offers support to those who are struggling to cope with the loss of a significant person in their life.  The program consist of the following:

• Education materials mailed over a 12-month period.

• Visits and/or phone calls by trained volunteers and staff.

Trained volunteers and hospice staff provide emotional support when you need someone to talk with. Specially if you do not want to burden others or you feel those close to you do not understand how you feel.  Sharing your feeling with others is an important part of the grief process.

My Old Friend, Grief
Adolfo Quezada, from the Tucson, Arizona Daily Star

MY OLD FRIEND, GRIEF, is back. He comes to visit me once in a while just to remind me that I am still a broken person. Surely there has been much healing since my son died six years ago, and surely I have adjusted to a world without him by now. But the truth is, we never completely heal, we never totally adjust to the loss of a major love. We will be all right, but we will never be the same.

And so my old friend Grief drops in to say hello. Sometimes he enters through the door of my memory. Sometimes he sneaks up on me. I'll hear a certain song, smell a certain fragrance, or look at a certain picture, and I'll remember how it used to be. Sometimes it brings a smile to my face, sometimes a tear.

Some may say that such remembering is not healthy, that we ought not to dwell on thoughts that make us sad. Yet, the opposite it true. Grief revisited is grief acknowledged, and grief confronted is grief resolved.

But if grief is resolved, why do we still feel a deep sense of loss at anniversaries and holidays, and even when we least expect it? Why do we feel a lump in the throat, even six years after the loss? It is because healing does not mean forgetting, and because moving on with life does not mean that we don't take a part of the deceased with us.

My old friend Grief doesn't get in the way of my living. He just wants to drop by and chat sometimes. In fact, Grief has taught me a few things about living that I would not have learned on my own. Old Grief has taught me, over the years, that if I try to deny the reality of a major loss in my life, I end up having to deny life altogether. He has taught me that although the pain of loss is great, I must confront it and experience it fully or else risk emotional paralysis.

Old Grief has also taught me that I can survive even great losses, and that although my world is very different after a major loss, it is still my world and life is worth living. He has taught me that when I am willing to be pruned by the losses that come, I can flourish again in season, not in spite of loss, but because of it.

My old friend, Grief, has taught me that the loss of a loved one does not mean the loss of love, for love is stronger than separation and longer than the permanence of death.

GRIEF

Grief is a human experience that everyone goes through, however, most people are taught to avoid the pain of grief.  It is the overall avoidance of that pain which slows down the grieving process, bringing a sense of lifelessness.  There is a way to get through the pain so life is enjoyable again.  The physical and emotional manifestations of grief are not abnormal; rather, they are the signs of human disconnecting and searching to reconnect with something or someone.

Grief is often feared because you do not know where it is going to lead you.  And more often than not, you have no one to help you understand the grief process.  Learning healthy ways to grieve is an important process.

The following are some important ideas to keep in mind about healthy grieving:

• SEEK and ACCEPT SUPPORT. You need acceptance and caring throughout.  If you lack support, make finding it your first goal.  Start with family, friends or clergy...or call the hospice office.

• ACCEPT YOUR GRIEF.  Time alone does not heal grief.  To work through it you must accept and deal with it.  Remember it is a natural healing process.  Roll with its tides.

• FIND MODELS.  You may need evidence that survival and growth are possible.  Look for someone who can give you this hope.  Books and support groups may be good places to begin.

ABOUT GRIEF

Many a person who has learned about grief has declared: "I found out I'm not crazy. I'm grieving."  Understanding grief can make it safer and more predictable.

• EXPRESS IT -  Without expression, grief can leave you frozen and stoic. Find someone who can listen to your story, again and again. You may also want to express it privately through music, art, poetry, and/or a journal.

• ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS - Grief  has many feelings, some very intense. Accept them and they will help you learn about yourself and the meaning of your loss.  Lock them up inside and you lock away parts of yourself.

• PACE YOURSELF - Grief takes energy. You may tire easily. A slower pace alternated with periods of diversion and mild exercise will maximize healing. So will good nutrition.

• INVOLVE YOURSELF IN WORK or MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY - It can help you maintain direction, control and purpose, and occupy your mind.

• DO NOT BE AFRAID TO HAVE FUN - Laughter is good medicine. Allow yourself opportunities for diversion and freshness. Children and pets are great providers of healing.

• HITCH YOUR WAGON TO A STAR - You need to have hope. Faith is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to go on when fear is present. Healing will come eventually.

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Last updated: Monday, 20 October, 2008